Sunday, February 13, 2011

My Greatest Contribution to Mankind

If you or someone you love is a fat kid at heart, then you or her or she probably loves French Silk pie -- "Fat Kid Pie" (FKP) as its known around my house. If you're like me, you've probably noticed that your local Baker's Square has probably closed down because of the economy (or whatever), so you had to gain Fat Kid Pie independence. If this hasn't happened to you yet, hold onto your butts because I'm about to make them a little bigger.

A quick note before we begin: I make my FKP on store-bought graham cracker pie crust for two reasons. One is because my husband prefers graham cracker pie crust to any other pie crust in the known universe. Two is because I'm lazy and nothing in the known universe is easier than a store-bought graham cracker pie crust.

To begin, take your unsweetened baking chocolate -- make sure it's unsweetened -- and grab 4 oz.
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You can melt them in the huge squares, but I find it easier to cut those big squares up into smaller pieces. Anyway, get all 4 oz. into a microwave-safe dish.
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Microwave for 30 seconds, stir, and repeat until the chocolate is melted and pourable.
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Remember when we discussed the importance of letting melted butter cool before adding it to a mixture? The same is true for melted chocolate. Melt it first so it has time to cool down for a bit before you let it join the rest of the group.

Throw two sticks softened salted butter and 1-1/2 cups white sugar into the bowl of your electric mixer and beat at a medium speed until fluffy.
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I hate to say it and risk excluding anyone, but a stand mixer is a non-negotiable necessity for this recipe. Sucker your sweetie into buying you one for V-Day if you don't have one. Promise them this pie, and they'll buy you anything.

With the mixer on low, pour in the melted (and cooled!) chocolate along with a teaspoon of vanilla.
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Now this is the most important part of the recipe, so listen up. This is one part where the technique is of utmost importance, so no skipping anything! Put your mixer on a medium speed, and leave it like that. Don't stop it, don't scrape the bowl, don't second-guess the texture of what's inside. Just take some deep breaths and go with it. While the mixer is mixing away at medium speed, you are going to add 4 eggs. You are going to add them one at a time, and you are going to add them over the course of 15-20 minutes.
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Add an egg, wait five minutes, add another egg, etc. For this recipe it is particularly important to listen to your grandmother's advice about never cracking an egg directly into the bowl. Since the finished product contains raw eggs, you want to be very particular about which eggs you use. The moment before it goes swirling away into what would have been delicious FKP filling is the wrong time to find out you got one of those gross bloody eggs, am I right?

While we're on the subject: THIS RECIPE CONTAINS RAW EGGS. While this is fine for most of us, please be aware that there are some people who should avoid eating raw eggs such as the very old, the very young, the pregnant, the immunocompromised, etc. But that's ok -- more for you.

Five minutes after the last egg has joined the fray, the filling is ready. If you're a normal person who's perfectly happy to leave well enough alone, you can pour the filling into the prepared (prebaked if you're using standard pie crust) pie shell of your choosing and refrigerate for at least two hours (but overnight is by far better) before serving. If you're decidedly abnormal like yours truly, go find your jar of this stuff:
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And do this with it:
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Spread it around gently into a mostly-even layer. The Fluff is very sticky, so it will pull up the pie crust in places if you're not careful. I didn't let it bother me, though, since the Fluff is like glue so I know it would hold onto whatever graham crackers it grabbed. NOW you can pour the FKP filling into the pie shell.
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Use the back of your spoon to even out the top a bit.
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Lick the spoon. And the bowl. The pie needs to be refrigerated before it can be served. Two hours is the absolute minimum I would ever settle for, but I almost always let it chill overnight. Trust me. Cut into it the next day and you get this:
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Graham cracker crust held together by gooey, sticky marshmallow topping with an inches-thick layer creamy, chocolately, and oh-so-rich FKP filling, all being overseen by tiny cute dollops of whipped cream. Life just doesn't get any better than this, friends.

***

Fat Kid Pie with S'more Crust
4 oz unsweetened baking chocolate
2 stick butter, softened
1-1/2 cups white sugar
1 tsp vanilla
4 eggs
Marshmallow Fluff
Graham cracker pie crust

1. Melt chocolate in microwave; allow to cool slightly.
2. Beat butter and sugar in the bowl of electric mixer with whisk attachment until fluffy.
3. With mixer running on low speed, add the melted and cooled chocolate and vanilla.
4. With mixer running on medium speed, add eggs over the course of 15-20 minutes.
5. Spread Fluff over the bottom of pie crust in a semi-even layer.
6. Pour FKP filling into pie shell; even out top with the back of a spoon.
7. Cover & refrigerate overnight before serving.
8. Serve in thin slivers.

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